How to Turn Your Wishes Into Reality Instead of Regrets

By Carl Richards
March 21, 2017

Last week, I shared how scared and worried I felt at the thought of losing my wife after her accident. As frightening as that experience was, it also helped me reflect and decide that I didn’t want any more regrets.

I thought you might feel the same way, so I asked for your deathbed wish list. What things would you wish you could have done if you suddenly had very little time left?

Your emails were amazing! They reminded me a lot of the many messages I received when I wrote about getting permission to make major changes in our lives.

I asked a few of you to create a visual version of your wish lists, and you can see them here.

But I was left wondering: What’s next? What can we do to make sure that these wishes become reality instead of regrets?

For me, this process is pretty simple (but not easy):

1. Pick one thing on my list.
2. Decide today to do one thing that will get me closer to making that one thing a reality and further away from regret.
3. Do that one thing.
4. Repeat tomorrow.
5. Wake up in a year with fewer regrets.

The problem with this process is that it’s too simple. It lacks all the theatrics and drama of the hero’s journey.

In short, it sounds boring. Day after day, just doing small, little things.

I’m not into boring. The process reminds me of compound interest — that’s also boring, but it works.

However, I know of no other way. Believe me, I’ve tried.

Small, simple things done consistently over a long time produce meaningful results.

So, here is what I’m going to do. I’m finding one thing on my wish list, and I’m doing something about it today. Then, I’ll do it again tomorrow.

Will you join me?

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Breathe. Exhale. Repeat:The Benefits of Controlled Breathing

By Lesley Aldermannov
November 9, 2016

Take a deep breath, expanding your belly. Pause. Exhale slowly to the count of five. Repeat four times.

Congratulations. You’ve just calmed your nervous system.

Controlled breathing, like what you just practiced, has been shown to reduce stress, increase alertness and boost your immune system. For centuries yogis have used breath control, or pranayama, to promote concentration and improve vitality. Buddha advocated breath-meditation as a way to reach enlightenment.

Science is just beginning to provide evidence that the benefits of this ancient practice are real. Studies have found, for example, that breathing practices can help reduce symptoms associated with anxiety, insomnia, post-traumatic stress disorder, depression and attention deficit disorder.

“Breathing is massively practical,” says Belisa Vranich, a psychologist and author of the book “Breathe,” to be published in December. “It’s meditation for people who can’t meditate.”

How controlled breathing may promote healing remains a source of scientific study. One theory is that controlled breathing can change the response of the body’s autonomic nervous system, which controls unconscious processes such as heart rate and digestion as well as the body’s stress response, says Dr. Richard Brown, an associate clinical professor of psychiatry at Columbia University and co-author of “The Healing Power of the Breath.”

Consciously changing the way you breathe appears to send a signal to the brain to adjust the parasympathetic branch of the nervous system, which can slow heart rate and digestion and promote feelings of calm as well as the sympathetic system, which controls the release of stress hormones like cortisol.

Many maladies, such as anxiety and depression, are aggravated or triggered by stress. “I have seen patients transformed by adopting regular breathing practices,” says Dr. Brown, who has a private practice in Manhattan and teaches breathing workshops around the world.

When you take slow, steady breaths, your brain gets the message that all is well and activates the parasympathetic response, said Dr. Brown. When you take shallow rapid breaths or hold your breath, the sympathetic response is activated. “If you breathe correctly, your mind will calm down,” said Dr. Patricia Gerbarg, assistant clinical professor of psychiatry at New York Medical College and Dr. Brown’s co-author.

Dr. Chris Streeter, an associate professor of psychiatry and neurology at Boston University, recently completed a small study in which she measured the effect of daily yoga and breathing on people with diagnoses of major depressive disorder.

After 12 weeks of daily yoga and coherent breathing, the subjects’ depressive symptoms significantly decreased and their levels of gamma-aminobutyric acid, a brain chemical that has calming and anti-anxiety effects, had increased. The research was presented in May at the International Congress on Integrative Medicine and Health in Las Vegas. While the study was small and lacked a control group, Dr. Streeter and her colleagues are planning a randomized controlled trial to further test the intervention.

“The findings were exciting,” she said. “They show that a behavioral intervention can have effects of similar magnitude as an antidepressant.”

Controlled breathing may also affect the immune system. Researchers at the Medical University of South Carolina divided a group of 20 healthy adults into two groups. One group was instructed to do two sets of 10-minute breathing exercises, while the other group was told to read a text of their choice for 20 minutes. The subjects’ saliva was tested at various intervals during the exercise. The researchers found that the breathing exercise group’s saliva had significantly lower levels of three cytokines that are associated with inflammation and stress. The findings were published in the journal BMC Complementary and Alternative Medicine in August.

Here are three basic breathing exercises to try on your own.

Coherent Breathing

If you have the time to learn only one technique, this is the one to try. In coherent breathing, the goal is to breathe at a rate of five breaths per minute, which generally translates into inhaling and exhaling to the count of six. If you have never practiced breathing exercises before, you may have to work up to this practice slowly, starting with inhaling and exhaling to the count of three and working your way up to six.

Sitting upright or lying down, place your hands on your belly.

1. Slowly breathe in, expanding your belly, to the count of five.
2. Pause.
3. Slowly breathe out to the count of six.
4. Work your way up to practicing this pattern for 10 to 20 minutes a day.

Stress Relief

When your mind is racing or you feel keyed up, try Rock and Roll breathing, which has the added benefit of strengthening your core.

1. Sit up straight on the floor or the edge of a chair.
2. Place your hands on your belly.
3. As you inhale, lean forward and expand your belly.
4. As you exhale, squeeze the breath out and curl forward while leaning backward; exhale until you’re completely empty of breath.
5. Repeat 20 times.

Energizing HA Breath

When the midafternoon slump hits, stand up and do some quick breathwork to wake up your mind and body.

1. Stand up tall, elbows bent, palms facing up.
2. As you inhale, draw your elbows back behind you, palms continuing to face up.
3. Then exhale quickly, thrusting your palms forward and turning them downward, while saying “Ha” out loud.
4. Repeat quickly 10 to 15 times.

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3 Lessons About Mental Toughness You Can Learn From Yoda

You might never use the Force, but you can learn a couple of tricks from the little green Jedi.

Yoda, Jedi Master and hand puppet, once said, “Do or do not -- there is no try.”
Whether you’re a Star Wars fan or not (although I’m not sure how you can call yourself an American and NOT be a Star Wars fan), there is a profound degree of wisdom conveyed in the pithy quote above.

Let me set the scene if you need a refresher on the quote, which occurred in The Empire Strikes Back.

Luke Skywalker is stranded on the marshy planet of Dagobah, home of Yoda. The Jedi Master wants Luke to levitate a submerged, multi-ton spacecraft out of the swamp where Luke crash landed. The young Jedi half-heartedly says he'll try, which elicits the space leprechaun’s quoted critique of Luke’s mental toughness.

Bringing it back to our real world for a minute, all of us face challenges, obstacles or setbacks that seem insurmountable at times. While there are many traits that can help during those difficult situations, the one essential trait is mental toughness.

Fortunately, the ability to endure and persevere through overwhelming circumstances is a critical skill that anyone can start developing today by using three common-sense tips.

1. Decide what you WON’T think

There’s an ancient proverb (not from Yoda) that states, “As you think, so you are.” Many self-help gurus spin that into the power of positive thinking and proactive optimism.

That’s all good, but it’s equally important -- and usually easier -- to identify negative thought patterns you’ve had in the past and then choose not to engage in those again.

For instance, if you’re prone to thinking the worst outcome will occur, choose to take a wait-and-see approach instead. If you think you’re the only one who can save a project and that thinking causes you undue stress, decide to delegate to others. If you think a team member is trying to sabotage you, have a conversation to clear the air.

You dictate your thought life, so be mindful about avoiding negative thoughts that undermine your mental toughness.

2. Build mental momentum

Mental toughness can wane when you’re stuck in a rut. The best way to break that inertial immobility is to achieve a small win for yourself and then build on it.

It can be anything. Commit to call a new client, pay a bill, meet a colleague for lunch, clear out your email inbox -- just do something.

Write down what you decide to do, then check it off once it's accomplished and repeat the process to build momentum.

This is a doable way to build a series of concrete successes that can advance you through adversity when everything seems to be falling apart. Intentionally making success a habit can empower you to focus beyond the current situation, build confidence in your ability and develop mental toughness.

Never underestimate the power of mental momentum!

3. Channel your role model

Lastly, pick someone that you believe embodies mental toughness -- it could be an inspiring relative or neighbor who survived cancer, resurgent tennis star Serena Williams, maverick Tesla CEO Elon Musk or former POW-turned-senator John McCain.

Then, learn about your respective role model so you understand the thinking, anchoring beliefs, motivations and perceptions that make them who they are. Strive to gain as much insight into their psyche as you can and then mimic it within your own life every chance you get. Understanding how others successfully navigated through adversity can equip you with similar skills -- and that’s not Bantha fodder (that's a Star Wars joke, for the uninitiated).

We ask our kids what they want to be when they grow up all the time, and many of them go on to become what they dreamed about. Why can’t adults do the same thing and aspire toward someone with demonstrable mental toughness?

While you’ll probably never need the mental toughness required to destroy a planet-sized space station, these three actionable steps can help you overcome the everyday challenges you’re facing on this planet.

And that’s not a Jedi mind trick.

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Finding Meaning and Happiness in Old Age

By Jane E. Brody
New York Times, March 19, 2018

What’s the best way to develop a healthy perspective on old age? Spend more time with elderly people and discover what brings meaning and pleasure to their twilight years despite the losses, both physical and social, they may have suffered.

That’s what two authors of inspired and inspiring books about aging discovered and, happily, have taken the trouble to share with those of us likely to join the ranks of the “oldest old” in the not-too-distant future. Actually, the wisdom therein might be equally valuable for young and middle-aged adults who may dread getting old. To their detriment, some may even avoid interacting with old people lest their “disease” rub off on them.

Too many in our youth-focused culture currently regard the elderly with fear or disdain and consider them costly consumers of resources with little to offer in return. Given the explosive pace of technology that often befuddles the elderly, they command little or no respect for the repository of wisdom that was once cherished by the young (and still is in some traditional societies).

The first book I read was “The End of Old Age” by Dr. Marc E. Agronin, a geriatric psychiatrist at the Miami Jewish Home whose decades of caring for the aged have taught him that it is possible to maintain purpose and meaning in life even in the face of significant disease and disability, impaired mental and physical functioning and limited participation in activities.
The second book, “Happiness Is a Choice You Make,” was written by John Leland, a reporter for The New York Times who spent a year interviewing and learning from six of the city’s “oldest old” residents — people 85 and above — from diverse cultures, backgrounds and life experiences.

As Mr. Leland told me, “These people totally changed my life. They’ve given up distractions that make us do stupid things and instead focus on what’s important to them. To a person, they don’t worry about things that might happen. They worry when it happens, and even then they don’t worry. They just deal with it. At whatever age we are, we can choose to adapt to whatever happens. We have influence over whether we let things knock us out.”

After reading the books, I have a new way of looking at myself: as a “good-enough” aging adult who continues to pursue and enjoy a variety of activities commensurate with the limitations imposed by inevitable changes in body and mind that accrue with advancing years.

Never mind that words or spelling may temporarily escape me. I can always ask Google or Siri to fill in the blanks. I love the story in Dr. Agronin’s book about the renowned pianist Arthur Rubinstein “who dealt with age-induced declines in his skills by selecting a more limited repertoire, optimizing his performance through extra practice, and compensating by altering his tempo during certain sections to highlight the dynamics of a piece.”

Dr. Agronin writes with reverence for Dr. Gene D. Cohen, a founding father of geriatric psychiatry who “saw not only what aging is, but what aging could be; not what we accomplish in spite of aging, but because of aging.” In Dr. Cohen’s model of creative aging, people have the potential to see possibility instead of problems; aging itself can be a catalyst for rich new experiences, offering a way to renew passions and reinvent oneself.

There are activities I once loved that I can no longer do, or necessarily want to do, like tennis, skiing and ice skating. But I can still walk, cycle, swim, and frolic with my dog, activities that have resulted in many unexpected pleasures and new friends. I can accompany my grandsons to museums and delight in their knowledge of the Impressionists they studied in a high school art class. When I gave them tickets to join me at the opera, one said with a grin, “I guess I’ll get some culture.”

I already know that if and when my physical abilities become further curtailed, I can still enjoy meaningful conversations with these boys, who are all-too-quickly becoming young men. They may know how to reset my cellphone or find hidden channels on my television, but I can help them put their life experiences in perspective and support a decision to leave their comfort zone and take risks that offer growth potential.

As one of Dr. Agronin’s youngest informants said, even when physical decline and losses restrict one’s options, there remains the capacity to appreciate and approach each day with a sense of purpose. “It’s all about how you frame what you have,” she told him.

He cites the concept of “positive aging” developed by Robert D. Hill, a psychologist in Salt Lake City, that is “affected by disease and disability, but not contingent upon avoiding it.” Rather, it is “a state of mind that is positive, optimistic, courageous, and able to adapt and cope in flexible ways with life’s changes.”

Or, as Dr. Cohen found, creativity is not limited to young people. At any age, it can open people up to new possibilities and add richness to life. According to Dr. Cohen, creativity can benefit aging by strengthening morale, improving physical health, enriching relationships and establishing a legacy.

Dr. Agronin cites two notable examples: Henri Matisse — “the man who rose from the dead” after cancer surgery in 1941 — who created cutouts when he could no longer paint, and Martha Graham, who reinvented herself as a choreographer when she could no longer dance.

When we become unable to pursue the roles and passions of our younger years, Dr. Agronin says, we can tap into our past for strength and inspiration. We can try something new that is either an extension of what we did before or that takes us in a new direction.

And, as Mr. Leland found, there is no room for regrets in happy aging. Although I never won a Pulitzer Prize, in many ways, the “awards” I’ve gotten from thousands of grateful readers who’ve been helped by my writings over the last half-century are so much more meaningful. These readers inspire me to continue doing what I do best — providing people with health- and lifesaving information and inspiration based on the best scientific evidence currently available.

Citing the work of Laura L. Carstensen, founding director of the Stanford Center on Longevity, Mr. Leland writes that “older people, knowing they face a limited time in front of them, focus their energies on things that give them pleasure in the moment,” not on a future that may never be.

A version of this article appears in print on March 20, 2018, on Page D5 of the New York edition with the headline: Finding Meaning and Happiness in Old Age.

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A Positive Outlook May Be Good for Your Health

By Jane E. Brody
March 27, 2017

“Look on the sunny side of life.”

“Turn your face toward the sun, and the shadows will fall behind you.”

“Every day may not be good, but there is something good in every day.”

“See the glass as half-full, not half-empty.”

Researchers are finding that thoughts like these, the hallmarks of people sometimes called “cockeyed optimists,” can do far more than raise one’s spirits. They may actually improve health and extend life.

There is no longer any doubt that what happens in the brain influences what happens in the body. When facing a health crisis, actively cultivating positive emotions can boost the immune system and counter depression. Studies have shown an indisputable link between having a positive outlook and health benefits like lower blood pressure, less heart disease, better weight control & healthier blood sugar levels.

Even when faced with an incurable illness, positive feelings and thoughts can greatly improve one’s quality of life. Dr. Wendy Schlessel Harpham, a Dallas-based author of several books for people facing cancer, including “Happiness in a Storm,” was a practicing internist when she learned she had non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma, a cancer of the immune system, 27 years ago. During the next 15 years of treatments for eight relapses of her cancer, she set the stage for happiness and hope, she says, by such measures as surrounding herself with people who lift her spirits, keeping a daily gratitude journal, doing something good for someone else, and watching funny, uplifting movies. Her cancer has been in remission now for 12 years.

“Fostering positive emotions helped make my life the best it could be,” Dr. Harpham said. “They made the tough times easier, even though they didn’t make any difference in my cancer cells.”

While Dr. Harpham may have a natural disposition to see the hopeful side of life even when the outlook is bleak, new research is demonstrating that people can learn skills that help them experience more positive emotions when faced with the severe stress of a life-threatening illness.

Judith T. Moskowitz, a professor of medical social sciences at Northwestern University Feinberg School of Medicine in Chicago, developed a set of eight skills to help foster positive emotions. In earlier research at the University of California, San Francisco, she and colleagues found that people with new diagnoses of H.I.V. infection who practiced these skills carried a lower load of the virus, were more likely to take their medication correctly, and were less likely to need antidepressants to help them cope with their illness.

The researchers studied 159 people who had recently learned they had H.I.V. and randomly assigned them to either a five-session positive emotions training course or five sessions of general support. Fifteen months past their H.I.V. diagnosis, those trained in the eight skills maintained higher levels of positive feelings and fewer negative thoughts related to their infection.

An important goal of the training is to help people feel happy, calm and satisfied in the midst of a health crisis. Improvements in their health and longevity are a bonus. Each participant is encouraged to learn at least three of the eight skills and practice one or more each day. The eight skills are:

• Recognize a positive event each day.
• Savor that event and log it in a journal or tell someone about it.
• Start a daily gratitude journal.
• List a personal strength and note how you used it.
• Set an attainable goal and note your progress.
• Report a relatively minor stress and list ways to reappraise the event positively.
• Recognize and practice small acts of kindness daily.
• Practice mindfulness, focusing on the here and now rather than the past or future.

Dr. Moskowitz said she was inspired by observations that people with AIDS, Type 2 diabetes and other chronic illnesses lived longer if they demonstrated positive emotions. She explained, “The next step was to see if teaching people skills that foster positive emotions can have an impact on how well they cope with stress and their physical health down the line.”

She listed as the goals improving patients’ quality of life, enhancing adherence to medication, fostering healthy behaviors, and building personal resources that result in increased social support and broader attention to the good things in life.

Gregg De Meza, a 56-year-old architect in San Francisco who learned he was infected with H.I.V. four years ago, told me that learning “positivity” skills turned his life around. He said he felt “stupid and careless” about becoming infected and had initially kept his diagnosis a secret.
“When I entered the study, I felt like my entire world was completely unraveling,” he said. “The training reminded me to rely on my social network, and I decided to be honest with my friends. I realized that to show your real strength is to show your weakness. No pun intended, it made me more positive, more compassionate, and I’m now healthier than I’ve ever been.”

In another study among 49 patients with Type 2 diabetes, an online version of the positive emotions skills training course was effective in enhancing positivity and reducing negative emotions and feelings of stress. Prior studies showed that, for people with diabetes, positive feelings were associated with better control of blood sugar, an increase in physical activity and healthy eating, less use of tobacco and a lower risk of dying.

In a pilot study of 39 women with advanced breast cancer, Dr. Moskowitz said an online version of the skills training decreased depression among them. The same was true with caregivers of dementia patients.

 “None of this is rocket science,” Dr. Moskowitz said. “I’m just putting these skills together and testing them in a scientific fashion.”

In a related study of more than 4,000 people 50 and older published last year in the Journal of Gerontology, Becca Levy and Avni Bavishi at the Yale School of Public Health demonstrated that having a positive view of aging can have a beneficial influence on health outcomes and longevity. Dr. Levy said two possible mechanisms account for the findings. Psychologically, a positive view can enhance belief in one’s abilities, decrease perceived stress and foster healthful behaviors. Physiologically, people with positive views of aging had lower levels of C-reactive protein, a marker of stress-related inflammation associated with heart disease and other illnesses, even after accounting for possible influences like age, health status, sex, race and education than those with a negative outlook. They also lived significantly longer.

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John Wooden's 7-Point Creed: 'Be Thankful'

Craig Impelman
February 22, 2017

The seventh item of Coach Wooden’s Seven-Point Creed is, “Give thanks for your blessings and pray for guidance every day.”

When Coach spoke on this point, he would frequently recite one of his favorite Abraham Lincoln quotes: “If we magnified our blessings the way we magnify our disappointments, we’d all be a lot happier.” Indeed, accepting disappointment without complaint is one of the key points that Coach taught on the subject of being thankful.

Coach learned at an early age to accept disappointments with good grace because of the example set by his parents. Although his father, Joshua Wooden, lost his farm due to the mistake of another, he never complained or assigned blame. Joshua’s ability to make the best out of an adverse situation was one of the traits that Coach came to admire most in his father.

Coach also saw the same quality in his mother Roxie, after she suffered the deaths of her two daughters within a year of each other. Her first daughter, Cordelia, died from diphtheria at 2 years old, and her second daughter died at birth. Despite these tragedies, Coach never heard his mother complain, nor witness her feeling sorry for herself as she raised four spirited boys.

“The great secret of life is to cultivate the ability to appreciate the things we have."

At times, Coach emphasized the importance of being thankful by quoting Lao Tse: “Freedom from desire leads to inner peace.” He also added his own words of wisdom: “The great secret of life is to cultivate the ability to appreciate the things we have, not compare them.” Coach often encouraged us to not take for granted the many things we have that we did nothing to earn, such as life itself, the beauty of nature, the great country we live in, or the love of our family and friends.

The second part of that advice, to pray for guidance, were also words Coach took to heart. His own faith was very dear to him and he respected the religions of all people, because he knew that faith was an important part of living a worthwhile life. He encouraged his players to have a faith and to be able to defend their beliefs, but he never encouraged them to pray to win. That would be far too selfish, he said.

In 1942, Coach received a faithful attendance pen from Frank E. Davidson, who operated an interfaith men’s club called The Forum. Men would attend during the Sunday school hour to study and pray together, and then leave to worship at their own churches. The night before receiving the award, Coach’s team won the finals in the sectional tournament against a Catholic team whose coach, Johnny Howe, also attended The Forum. The next morning, Frank Davidson joked, “There I was at the game last night and here was Johnny Wooden, who I knew was going to receive his medal for not having missed in the last year—and there was Johnny Howe with his team all blessing themselves. Now wasn’t our Lord in a heck of a spot?”

Contentment makes poor men rich; discontent makes rich men poor. 

As he liked to do, Coach shared with us some great wisdom to remind us to give thanks for our blessings and pray for guidance every day: Contentment makes poor men rich; discontent makes rich men poor.

• Take time to live, it is the secret of success.
• Take time to think, it is the source of power.
• Take time to play, it is the secret of youth.
• Take time to read, it is the foundation of knowledge.
• Take time for friendship, it is the source of happiness.
• Take time to laugh, it helps lift life’s load.
• Take time to dream, it hitches the soul to the stars.
• Take time for God, it is life’s only lasting investment.

When Coach was asked whether he was able to live up to his father’s Seven-Point Creed, he would often say, “I am not what I want to be, not what I ought to be, and not what I am going to be, but I am thankful that I am not what I used to be.” No matter how daunting the task of living up to your creed, pursuing your dreams or reaching your goals might seem, the key is that you must never stop trying. For each new day brings progress, and in doing your best you achieve success. 

By studying Coach's teachings, you can discover how a return to the fundamentals could mean the difference in your ability to achieve.  

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8 Ways to Train Your Brain to Become More Positive

By Angela Ruth
May 5, 2017, This story originally appeared on Due

When our brains go negative that can eat away at our productivity, creativity and decision-making skills.

It’s been said that humans on average can have anywhere from 12,000 to 60,000 thoughts per day -- if not more. Pretty fascinating, right?

Here’s the issue. Some speculate that an astounding 80 percent of our thoughts are negative and you train your brain to have more negative thoughts over positive thoughts.

According to Loretta Breuning, Ph.D., Founder of the Inner Mammal Institute, Professor of Management at California State University, East Bay and author of The Science of Positivity and Habits of a Happy Brain, this really isn’t all that shocking.

 “Our brain is not designed to create happiness, as much as we wish it were so. Our brain evolved to promote survival. It saves the happy chemicals (dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin) for opportunities to meet a survival need, and only releases them in short spurts which are quickly metabolized. This motivates us to keep taking steps that stimulate our happy chemicals.”

Even worse? “You can end up with a lot of unhappy chemicals in your quest to stimulate the happy ones, especially near the end of a stressful workday,” adds Dr. Breuning.

When our brains go negative that can eat away at our productivity, creativity and decision-making skills. That’s because negative thoughts tend to have a bigger impact than positive thoughts. Again, this goes back to evolution. Survival depended on being able to detect and avoid dangerous situations.

As Dr. Breuning explains, “The bad feeling of cortisol has its own survival purpose. It alerts you to an obstacle on the path to meeting your needs so you can navigate your way to good feelings. But once you do that, your brain finds the next obstacle. You will feel bad a lot if you follow your survival brain wherever it leads.”

The good news is that you can actually train your brain to become more positive through these eight techniques.

1. Observe your thoughts.

The first place to start is by observing your thoughts -- even if it’s just for 10 minutes. Since we’re creatures of habit, you may notice that you have the same negative thoughts creeping up in your mind. Are you anxious about an upcoming trip? Are you stressed out at work? Are you upset about a fight you had with your spouse?

Once you know what negative thoughts are bothering you the most, you can start working on a solution to resolve the problem. For example, if you’re really bothered by a co-worker, then approach your boss with the problem and ask if you can be moved to another part of the office where you don’t have to interact with them as much.

2. Scan for the 3 daily positives.

Before you go to sleep you can easily train your brain. Reflect on your day and think about three good things that happened to you that day. Whether if it was someone buying you a cup of coffee, a beautiful sunset or landing a new client. Even the smallest things, like being paid a compliment, having lunch with an old friend or watching your dog roll around are more than enough to make you happy.

3. Give someone a shoutout.

Gratitude is really important. Research has found that showing gratitude can do anything from making you more optimistic to warding off heart disease. A gratitude journal is a good place to start, but I’ve found that sharing your gratitude is far more beneficial.

It could be anything like thanking an employee or colleague for all of their hard work, a quick catching up email with a friend, complementing your barista or having a nightly discussion like “What was the best part of your day today?” with your spouse.

It may seem a little awkward at first, but trust me, you’ll feel excellent when you give someone a shoutout.

4. Help others.

Whether it’s helping a swamped colleague on a project, holding open a door, buying a stranger a cup of coffee, donating money or volunteering, any acts of kindness can boost happiness.

5. Surround yourself with positive people.

Since emotions are contagious, it only makes sense that you would want to surround yourself with positive people who inspire, empower and motivate you.

6. Look after your body and mind.

Research has found time and time again that taking care of ourselves physically and mentally can influence our happiness and train our brains to be more positive.

For example, eating healthy, particularly bananas, eggs, blueberries and salmon can boost your spirits.

Exercising for just 20 minutes a day is the best way to release endorphins, which in turn will improve your mood. And, finally, start practicing mindfulness through yoga and meditation. Mindfulness is simply being aware of your thoughts and feelings without judging them as good or bad. An easy mindfulness exercise is to merely set your phone alarm for three separate times during the day. When it buzzes -- stop for one second and take a breath. Even this small break will train your brain to be more balanced.

7. Subconscious re-training and inner healing.

Sometimes in order to become more positive, we have to uncover and then release the past negative experiences that we’ve been holding onto. Exercises like tapping, daily affirmations, neuro-linguistic programming and mirror work can help you discover and heal these wounds. Additionally, these exercises can help you build a more supportive and affirming belief system that you can use the next time you face any traumatic experiences.

8. Make time to do something that you love.

This may be easier said than done, but one of the best ways to become more positive is making time for something that you absolutely love.

The action doesn’t matter. Just make sure you love it. It may be reading, cooking, playing a sport, going to the movies, planning a camping trip with friends or picking up a new hobby. Try to set aside an hour a day by setting boundaries that will free up a little time to something that gives you genuine happiness.

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How to Be Mindful When You are Angry - Meditation for Real Life

By David Gelles
April 5, 2017

“Anger is a natural, life-affirming emotion. It lets us know when a boundary has been crossed, when our needs are not being met, or when someone we care about is in danger. But when misdirected, anger can harm our physical health and our relationships. Being mindful of anger means not suppressing, denying or avoiding it and also not acting out in harmful ways. Instead, connect with the direct experience of the anger, and then decide what action you want to take.” — Jessica Morey, executive director of Inward Bound Mindfulness Education

Recognize and respect that anger is happening. It’s part of the human experience.

Stop fueling the anger: Cut off the stories about how you were wronged or why your anger is justified. Instead, shift your attention to the body.

What part of your body is not feeling angry? Your feet? Your back? The breath at the tip of your nose? Are there any sensations in your body that feel neutral, even pleasant? What else is happening around you? Are there any neutral or pleasant sounds you can attend to?

est your attention on these sensations for a few minutes, allowing yourself to find some calm. If your mind wanders back into thinking about the anger-producing situation, come back to these neutral sensations.

Investigate the anger more directly. Where do you feel it? Is it in your chest? Your hands? Your jaw? What does the anger feel like? How do the sensations of anger change as you pay attention to them? Do any other emotions show up underneath the anger?

Explore the information this anger has for you. What is its message? What does it need? Was a boundary crossed?

Reflect on how you could skillfully respond to what is making you angry. What would be the most helpful response right now?

Finally, commit to taking whatever skillful action is needed without doing any harm — whether it’s a walk, a nap or a direct, difficult conversation.

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