In their book Your Perfect Right, Alberti and Emmons describe a continuum of non-assertive, and aggressive behavior. As they explain, “The assertive individual is fully in charge of himself (herself) in interpersonal relationships, feels confident and capable without cockiness or hostility, is basically looked up to and admired by others.”
Non-Assertiveness:
Is allowing other people to treat you, your thoughts, and your feelings in whatever way they want without you challenging them. Non-assertiveness is doing what others want you to do regardless of your own desires.
Assertiveness:
Is thinking and acting in ways that stand up for your legitimate personal rights. Assertiveness is giving expression to your thoughts and feelings in a way that defines your own human perspective without subtracting from the legitimate human rights of others.
Aggressiveness:
Is standing up for what you want regardless of the rights and feelings of others. Aggression can be either physical or verbal.
Non-Assertiveness
- Avoid the problem
- Relinquish your rights
- View the rights of others as superior to yours
- Establish a pattern of others taking advantage of you
- Let the other person guess how you think and feel
- Hope goals will be achieved
- Let others choose for you
- Build anger/resentment
- Respect other person
- Lack confidence
- Hope (for favors, etc.)
Assertiveness
- Attack the problem
- Claim your rights
- Recognize the rights of others as equal to yours
- Establish a pattern of respect for future interactions
- Let the other person know how you think and feel
- Work toward goals
- Choose for yourself
- Deal with anger
- Respect both other person and self
- Are confident
- Request (favors, etc.)
Aggressiveness
- Attack the person
- Claim your rights
- View your rights as superior to other’s rights
- Establish a pattern of fear & avoidance of you
- Let the other person know how you think and feel
- Work toward goals
- Choose for yourself and others
- Act out anger
- Respect self only
- Are cocky, hostile
- Demand (favors, etc.)
““No” is a complete sentence.”