What is Active Listening?

Active listening is a structured form of listening and responding that focuses the attention on the speaker.

Benefits:

• Forces people to listen attentively to others
• Avoids misunderstandings, as people have to confirm that they do really understand what another person has said
• Tends to open people up, to get them to say more

Information from here.

Active Listening Skills

Attending:

A: Eye contact
B: Posture
C: Gesture

S.O.L.E.R. steps to attentive listening:

Squarely face the person
Open your posture
Lean towards the sender
Eye contact maintained
Relax while attending

Paraphrasing:

What is it: Restating a message, but usually with fewer words. Where possible try and get more to the point.

Purpose:

• To test your understanding of what you heard.
• To communicate that you are trying to understand what is being said. If you’re successful, paraphrasing indicates that you are following the speaker’s verbal explorations and that you’re beginning to understand the basic message.

When listening, consider asking yourself:

• What is the speaker’s basic thinking message?
• What is the person’s basic feeling message?

Examples:

Person 1: “I just don’t understand, one minute she tells me to do this, and the next minute to do that.”
Person 2: “She really confuses you.”

Person 1: “I really think he is a very nice guy. He’s so thoughtful, sensitive, and kind. He calls me a lot. He’s fun to go out with.”
Person 2: “You like him very much, then.”

Perception Checking

What is it: Request for verification of your perceptions.

Purpose:

• To give and receive feedback
• To check out your assumptions

Example:

“Let me see if I’ve got it straight. You said that you love your children and that they are very important to you. At the same time you can’t stand being with them. Is that what you are saying?”

Summarizing

What is it: Request for verification of your perceptions.

Purpose:

• To give and receive feedback
• To check out your assumptions

Examples:
“Let me see if I’ve got it straight. You said that you love your children and that they are very important to you. At the same time you can’t stand being with them. Is that what you are saying?”

Primary Empathy

What is it: Request for verification of your perceptions.

Purpose:

• To give and receive feedback
• To check out your assumptions

Examples:
“Let me see if I’ve got it straight. You said that you love your children and that they are very important to you. At the same time you can’t stand being with them. Is that what you are saying?”

Advanced Empathy

What is it: Reflection of content and feeling at a deeper level

Purpose:

• To try to get an understanding of what may be deeper feelings

Examples:

• “I get the sense that you are really angry about what was said, but I am wondering if you also feel a little hurt by it.”
• “You said that you feel more confident about contacting employers, but I wonder if you also still feel a bit scared.”

Information taken from here.